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The Clueless and the Cowards

Posted 08-Jul-2008 by Robby Slaughter (@robbyslaughter)

A recent article enumerates 9 Reasons Why Application Developers Think Their CIO Is Clueless. The inventory is lackluster, but the title of the piece is more telling than the list itself. These are just crackpot theories low-level techs might swap after hours at the bar. No one dares to suggest indicators of actual incompetence, just PR tips for winning over the hired help. The truth is no secret. Everybody knows that some CIO's are clueless.

Undercutting with Grammar

That headline contains a clever qualifier in the form of an absolute phrase: "...application developers think their CIO...". It's just a speculation about what some people might ponder. Nobody is accusing anyone. Circulation will not drop due to offended readers.

Curiously, a more candid title seems more interesting. I suggest: “9 Signs of a Clueless CIO.” This is fewer words yet a greater impact. With such bold claims, the promised article must be telling and juicy. Nine sure-fire hallmarks of gob-smacking idiocy? That earns a spot on the break room wall next to the water cooler.

Stupidity Plus Ignorance

No condemnation of one’s intellect can surpass “clueless.” Ignorance, for example, is merely the lack of knowledge. I’m ignorant about 4th century Chinese agricultural methods, and in that hallowed community of specialists would be mostly useless. Stupidity, however, is the lack of intellectual acuity. Stupid people cannot follow rational arguments, assess and evaluate claims nor synthesize new ideas. Ignorance and stupidity together comprise the ultimate denigration of mental faculties.

The mantle of “cluelessness” pushes the insult to another level. A clue is not a true article of knowledge, but a hint pointing towards actual, potentially useful information. Likewise, a clue provides no revelations, just the opportunity for analysis. A clue is a memory of a shadow, a distant hope of intellectual spark. Those deemed without even a single clue are sad creatures. No corporate enterprise nor cubicle bullpen will sustain the clueless indefinitely.

The Nine

CIO magazine's list of reasons consists of a handful of tired maxims, a few reasonable advisories, and one astounding blunder. Sign #1 ("The CIO is a control nut"), #2 ("The CIO is aloof"), #6 ("The CIO thinks changes can happen overnight"), #7 ("The CIO doesn't know the difference between resources and talent") and #9 ("The CIO spends all of his time trying to get promoted to CEO") all come straight from the business playbooks of the 1940's. These might as well read: "Delegate", "Pay Attention", "Understand the Schedule", "Value your Employees", and "Don't Worry About the Boss." Somewhere there is a cheerfully narrated black-and-white filmstrip with these handy points spelled out in inter-war helvetica.

Some of the nine reasons actually make sense. Number three warns against drinking the "vendor Kool-Aid", a valid admonition considering the impossibly lavish expense accounts of impossibly overpromising sales reps. Number four advises not to be a "technical dinosaur", which seems a little obvious, but at least not overplayed. Perhaps the most salient point is #8, which explains that clueless CIO's "collaborate to death." This is the balance of being both inclusive and decisive. Call upon experts, either to inform your decision or to bless them with the necessary authority. Business does not run on consensus.

The final supposition relates to competency and credibility. The clueless CIO, asserts the writer, is "ubergeeky." To refute this claim, I'll just quote from the very next sentence: "Application developers respect a CIO who has deep technical knowledge." Superhuman expertise in the field is a good sign, not a bad one. Would you rather have a VP of Finance who likes to chitchat about Section 1031 like-kind exchange tax deferments, or one who admits he can never remember the difference between "credit" and "debit"? No CIO should waste company time perusing the release notes for obscure file compression protocols, but accrued trivia is generally an asset, not a liability.

The Article You Wanted

9 Signs of a Clueless CIO

Sometimes the people at the top arrived through brilliance, tenacity and unimaginable toil. Sometimes a tragic combination of nepotism, overvalued acquisitions and clerical errors places a complete dolt at the head of corporate information technology (IT). Is your CIO sharp or stupid? Brilliant or banal? Review this checklist. If you work with (or are) a clueless CIO, plan accordingly.

1. Zero Cultural Context - The tech world is small enough that everybody knows the big names. Not counting Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, the clueless CIO can't enumerate a dozen IT luminaries. One can no more be ignorant of the major players in open source, security, databases, networking, and web development than the names and positions of key professional athletes. This is our culture; these are our people. Know them and their stories.
2. Whiteboard Impaired - CIO's must be able to sketch, from memory, an accurate overview of the entire corporate infrastructure. The network is the ultimate responsibility of the CIO. The level of detail required will vary based on the size of the company, but any IT visionary ought to be able to think in boxes and arrows.
3. Miss or Mr. Malaprop - Someone in marketing might confuse "Java" for "JavaScript", but the person in charge of technology must never use the wrong words for that technology. This extends to concepts: "privacy" is not the same as "security", nor does "localization" equate to "internationalization." As Mark Twain quipped, "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug." The almost right word in technology is the wrong word; and being wrong in technology often means being disastrously, stupendously wrong.
4. Short-Term Thinking - IT is infrastructure, built to last and run reliably for years. Any CIO who instantly snubs warranties or does not discuss maintenance and support belongs in another line of business. Technology is about the many tomorrows, not the single today. CIOs who fail to understand long-range tactics deserve to be as obsolete as the second-rate, unsupported systems they implement.
5. Unintelligible on Paper - The legacy of a CIO lives on in hardware, software and documentation. A CIO who cannot express themselves with clarity and brevity demonstrates their incapacity to think clearly and elegantly. The CIO must produce professional, impeccable writing both as directives to staff and as summaries to the executive team. If you can't write for people, you certainly can't communicate with machines. Most geeks agree that the latter is the easy part.
6. Abject Vendor Loyalty - Real technologists hate lock-in. Choice is the supreme motivator for innovation and the ability to move to a new platform almost always trumps any other conceivable features. An old adage promises: "No one ever got fired for buying IBM," and is regularly updated to the safe vendor of the current age. Any CIO who follows this maxim is suspect.
7. Risky Behavior - Beware anyone who runs mission-critical business operations on one aging server kept in the janitorial closet. IT professionals who take wild risks with technology without sounding painfully loud alarms are dangerously incompetent. Likewise, the CIO who doesn't quiz every project leader on metrics for reliability, redundancy planning, monitoring systems, emergency response procedures, service level agreements and maintenance plans is far too carefree for IT. Engineers are risk-averse. Systems will fail, and anyone who gambles everything on non-redundant drives or untested fabric is trouble.
8. Disinterest in Details - Technology enthusiasts are naturally disinclined to leadership, because taking charge means delegating authority and losing access to the fascinating interplay of underlying systems. The qualified CIO openly wishes he had time to dive into router configuration, tinker with new widget libraries and play with loaner units supplied by anxious vendors. Anyone who says they actively don't care about the technology is no geek. CIO's should desperately want to dirty their hands, but begrudgingly assign tasks to the appropriate underlings.
9. Can't Rant - With only a modicum of prompting, the CIO ought to be able to launch into cogent yet fiery diatribe about the stupidity of some technical design. The true IT leader will easily state flaws in the engineering, attacking the failings of the creation, but not its creator. A rant shows passion for technology and a sense of a "right" and "wrong" way of conducting technical work. A CIO who cannot rant either doesn't know enough to complain or simply doesn't care. Either deficiency is a prescription for failure.

In Case of Cluelessness, Break Glass

Any dutiful workers beneath a CIO guilty of the above sins should immediately seek new employment. Chances are you already have little respect for the boss, and forwarding this article around the office will have adverse affects at best. Don't expect sudden changes from the head honcho—a history of cluelessness resulted in that position. The CIO has no motivation to hunt for clues.

Boards and executive recruiting firms searching for IT leaders, your checklist is above. However, your interview questions now have verifiably correct answers. You must write down the ten names and plug them into Google. You must require customized writing samples. You must bring an engineer to verify the technical accuracy of a rant and a session at the whiteboard. Skirting the clueless is a different kind of hard work; you must actually ask the questions that everybody assumes everybody knows.

Finally, CIOs who find themselves potentially clueless but nevertheless reading these final paragraphs in earnest, you have my admiration. Willful acceptance of criticism is generally rare, but a core tenet of the personal philosophy of hackers and engineers. Consider these nine signs individually. Test your capacity for each. Show those in your employ and your industry that through your own efforts you are not a clueless CIO.

Postscript

The original article with its defanged title and half-hearted list may have failed to inspire, but the problem of cluelessness remains one of the most profound issues in the world of technology. Too many people think they know but do not; too many more treat the details like magic—inexplicable and incomprehensible. The enterprise has finally recognized information technology is a necessary and fundamental engine of business, and that the degree of complexity and customization today requires a dedicated executive at the highest level. This Chief Information Officer needs more than just the respect of reporting employees. The CIO must be informed and ingenious. Cluelessness must be stopped.

Further Reading:

• Article author Mike Gualtieri's blog, who I hope is not easily offended
• Get a clue about the Internet from the World of Ends
• Cluelessness as Accusation: The Cluetrain Manifesto

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